“If You’re Reading This…”
To Kamryn, when I’m gone
If you’re reading this, it means I’ve already stepped off.
Whether it was expected or came out of nowhere
don’t let the moment of my leaving steal the lifetime of my love.
Because that never left.
You’ve been my compass since the day you were born.
Before you could even speak, I saw something in your eyes
that made me want to live better, be better.
Not just survive, not just function…
but truly show up. For you.
And I know this part, me being gone, hurts.
I know there will be days when the missing feels bigger than the room you’re in.
When the silence is too loud.
When it feels unfair that I’m not there to hold you or answer your questions or fight off the monsters you don’t have words for yet.
So, I want you to remember something I told you when you were little,
something you already carry:
“Daddy is always in your head and your heart.”
No matter what you’re feeling.
No matter where you are.
When you’re scared,
when you’re overwhelmed,
when the world feels too heavy
close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Feel me warm your chest.
Feel me with you.
Because I am.
As long as you keep me in your head and in your heart,
you are never alone.
Even now.
Even here.
I know there were times I had to leave, drop you off at the sitter,
rush out the door before you were ready,
miss things that mattered to you.
Those moments gutted me, Kamryn.
Every single time.
But I promise you this:
I never left because I wanted to.
I left because I was fighting for the kind of life
where you wouldn’t have to wonder
if you were safe.
If you were loved.
If someone would show up for you.
You were the reason I fought,
and the reason I came home
not just from combat,
but from the war inside myself.
So, if this is the day you need to know I’m still with you…
know it now. Know it fully.
You are brave.
You are loved.
You are my light.
And you were always the best part of my story.
I left these words behind not because I didn’t trust the world
but because I trusted you.
To carry what mattered.
To remember not just the man I was,
but the father I fought like hell to become.
Keep breathing.
Keep reaching.
Keep me in your heart.
And I promise
you’ll never be alone.
Love always,
Dad
Zachary Scott Fox
10 December 1982 –